How to Cope With Loneliness During Freshman Year
“Feeling alone at college — especially [freshman] year — is nothing new,” writer for USC News, Joanna Clay, reflects. That’s right. Your feelings of loneliness are not unusual.
If you had a busy social life in high school, feeling lonely may be a new experience for you. Your weeknights and weekends used to be filled with late night food runs or ultimate frisbee games, but now you spend these times alone—doing homework or watching a movie until you fall asleep.
How can you deal with these sometimes unbearable feelings of loneliness? These 4 steps will help you get from feeling entirely alone to making connections with others!
Step #1: Accept these feelings are normal.
You are normal to feel alone, even though you are surrounded by thousands of students. Going from being around all familiar faces in high school to mostly strangers in college is hard. This transition was hard for upperclassmen and is hard for other freshmen too. You are not odd for feeling so lonely.
How can you help yourself accept this feeling is normal?
Correct your thinking! Don’t allow you to beat yourself up mentally. You are not weird or a social misfit. You are just in a time of transition—an especially difficult time of transition.
Keep trying! You may be truly trying to end these feelings of loneliness by reaching out to others. Don’t allow a few awkward experiences or failed attempts to keep you from continuing to try.
Stop scrolling! Spending less time on social media may actually help you more than you think. You know that the perfect lives you see others living on Instagram are not real, but that doesn’t mean you aren’t discouraged as a a result. Consider taking a short break from social media to help fight your feelings of loneliness.
These feelings won’t suddenly disappear or evaporate. Instead, they with stick with you throughout months (sometimes years) of college. But they, thankfully, will fade away as you make meaningful friendships with people at college.
Step #2: Plan to go out of your way.
You will have to take some action if you want not to be so lonely. Anything worthwhile takes effort, so be prepared to put in some hard work. Not every attempt to make a friend will actually result in making a friend, but consistent work will eventually pay off.
This process often starts with going out of your way, meaning doing things you would not normally do. What are some ways you can go out of your way?
Go to campus activities. Your college campus likely has many activities available to students, especially freshmen. Even though it’s hard going to these by yourself, do it. You will find that going helps you meet new people you would not meet otherwise.
Join clubs. You have unique hobbies and skills. Your campus also likely has many clubs dedicated to areas in which you have interest. Consider visiting these clubs. You will encounter all sorts of students that have similar interests.
Exercise in your college gym. Most campuses have exercise facilities available to students. These facilities can be a great place to meet students that you will see on a regular basis. Even if you don’t become friends, you will likely build some kind of connection over time.
Unless you intentionally try to meet other college students, you probably won’t meet other college students. You might connect with classmates in a specific course over a semester, but these friendships may only last the duration of the class. Connect with other students by going out of your way to meet them.
3. Exercise your social skills.
Noor Alwani, resident assistant at USC, urges the students on her hall to view “socializing less as a fixed trait and more as a muscle they can grow.” Being good at meeting people is a skill. Some people are more naturally gifted at meeting people than others, but every person has to work at this skill. Without practice, this skill will never develop or worse disappear.
This first year of college is probably the first time in a long time you’ve had to exercise the skill of meeting new people. You probably will be rusty and out of practice. You will likely make mistakes, say awkward things, overthink your actions, and regret interactions. These blunders are not a sign that you should give up but rather a sign that you are progressing. You’re learning what does and doesn’t work.
So, how can you exercise your social skills?
Introduce yourself to someone new at least once a week. This sounds like a lot of work, but you will find the more practice you have meeting new people and making small talk the better you will get at both skills. Practice helps you perfect this skill, so get at it!
Check in with an acquaintance at least a few times a week. You’ve probably made a few acquaintances, but they’re not really friends yet. You would like them to become friends, but how can you make this happen? When you run into them in your dorm, the cafeteria, or on the sidewalk, say hello and ask them how they’re doing. Find ways to show that you care about them as people.
Initiate hanging out at least once every other week. Someone has to be the initiator. While some people are more natural planners than others, you need to try to reach out if you want to have a social life. Think of a low pressure activity that you can invite an acquaintance to this week, like studying or grabbing a quick lunch.
The bigger deal you make of any of these situations, the bigger deal the situation will be. So keep your expectations low and just enjoy spending time with someone or some people.
4. Be patient with the process.
Making friends and finding somewhere to belong on your campus takes time. Realize that you will still feel lonely for a while, even if you consistently reach out to others. You will have to wait at least a month before seeing any progress.
Friendships don’t form overnight. Remember that in high school you bonded over years of shared classes and experiences. College will not be different, but the pain of making friends is worth the outcome. You will be glad you went through this progress, because you will form meaningful friendships and find worthwhile friends.
