What Is College REALLY Like? 3 Freshmen Struggles That Are Normal.
Now what? After moving into and settling into your dorm room, you might be asking yourself this question.
You might even think you’re unusual, odd, or not experiencing what every other new college freshmen is experiencing. You are normal if you’re feeling lonely, overwhelmed, homesick, and more.
Below are tips on how to cope with these 3 common struggles:
Feeling lonely
Doubting yourself
Missing home
Feeling lonely
Don’t believe the carefully curated photos and videos posted by friends or other college students. College isn’t constant partying or socializing. Prepare to spend more time by yourself than you intended.
Finding your group of friends isn’t instantaneous. It takes time. Because you’re in a new place, you’ll have to do a little searching and experimenting before you bump into someone you click with. Most college freshmen don’t instantly connect with anyone for a while.
This sounds depressing, but when you think about what this stage of your life means—starting over in a completely new place—a matter of months is actually a pretty short amount of time to connect with people.
Think back to your high school friends. How long did you know them? How did you meet them? How long did it take to click with them? Most meaningful relationships take time to form, but the good ones last.
So how can you prepare for “starting over” socially? Below are 3 tips.
Tip #1: Focus on being a friend, not finding a friend.
This is one of the best pieces of advice for making friends. Don’t make making friends your focus. Why?
You can create high stakes that often lead to major disappointment. You can become a more awkward version of yourself. You can create barriers that keep you from making friends.
Keep your focus on being a good friend, not finding one. This is a sure way to make genuine connections with others.
Tip #2: Keep your expectations realistic.
You're not likely to strike up one conversation with a person that leads to a lifelong friendship (not that this can’t happen but it’s rare to happen).
Instead, you’re more likely to spend time with lots of people who end up being “here and now” friends (not ones that last for years and years). That’s ok.
If you put too much pressure on social settings, you’ll likely end up disappointed or frustrated.
Tip #3: Take initiative sometimes.
You can’t always be the one to take initiative, but you should be willing to take initiative.
Ask a person if they want to do homework together, grab a meal, or go to a game. Someone has to make the first move.
If you want friends, you have to show yourself friendly.
Doubting yourself
“Am I really cut out for college?”
“Did I get in by mistake?”
“Everyone seems to know what they’re doing, and I don’t.”
These thoughts are not uncommon for a college freshman to think. Student imposter syndrome—doubting your academic or intellectual ability and feeling like a fraud—is a fairly normal experience for new college students.
The achievements you felt so proud of in high school might now seem irrelevant or inconsequential. College feels so different from high school that you doubt your past efforts impact your current setting.
However strong your feelings of being a fraud are, they aren’t true. Your past did help prepare you for the present.
What you don’t know how to do, you will figure out how to do. This process will simply take time.
So how can you combat thoughts of doubt? Below are 3 suggestions.
Suggestion #1: Reframe your view of failure.
High-achieving freshmen often feel crushed by any result that doesn’t meet their expectations.
For example, if they reach out to someone to grab a meal and are turned down, they spiral and isolate themselves (never wanting to be rejected again).
Or, if they study hours for a test and earn a C, they consider changing their major or dropping out of college.
Failing is hard to deal with when you’ve rarely (if ever) failed before, so you must reframe failure as a chance to grow. When you don’t meet your expectations, take a step back, reassess, and try something new.
You’ll eventually find the right formula to success for you.
Suggestion #2: Expect to make mistakes.
Anticipate you won’t get everything right the first try.
You aren’t likely to meet your closest friend your first week at college. You aren’t likely to ace every class your first semester. That’s okay.
College is about learning, so you’re in the right place to make a few mistakes.
Suggestion #3: Celebrate success.
Whether big or small, take note of the things you are doing well.
This practice may take some extra thought, because you may not even notice all the little things that you do well.
This practice can help provide you the boost you need on days where nothing seems to be going well.
Missing home
College isn’t a summer, sleep-away camp, but it may feel it at first. Home is filled with comforts and all things familiar. College is filled with opportunities to reach outside of your comfort zone and with all things unfamiliar.
Missing home isn’t that unusual for a new college student, because being away from home for months is a new experience.
Whether you label it “homesickness” or not, you may find yourself really missing a parent, a sibling, a friend, or simply the familiar surroundings of your hometown.
So what can you do to lessen missing home? Below are 3 habits that can help.
Habit #1: Keep up with the people you love.
Your high school friends are your friends. They’ve been there for you. You have lots of memories together, but very soon you’ll part ways and grow into different people.
Some of these friendships may last, but it’s unlikely all of them will.
Be sure to keep in contact with the people in your life that mean something to you, while being willing to let them go if they consistently don’t make time for you.
Your family (or people who are basically family to you) will be with you all throughout your different stages of life. They will always be a part of your life. Don’t forget to keep in contact with them even if you’re very busy.
Habit #2: Stay at college on the weekends.
Going home on the weekends is actually one of the worst things you can do for yourself when experiencing high levels of homesickness. Why? It only makes things worse.
You never really click with anyone at college, because you’re always at home when people socialize. And worse still, you never really fit in with anyone at college, because you’re not there often on non-class days.
Habit #3: Call home frequently.
Calling home too much or too little are easy errors to make.
Calling home every time a decision faces you can actually keep you from developing the problem-solving skills you need.
Calling home hardly ever may temporarily keep you from thinking about home, but it also makes those calls very long and sometimes very emotional.
Both tendencies can leave you missing home even more.
If you feel lonely or homesick or if you feel like maybe you don’t have what it takes, quiet those thoughts. Right now you’re feeling these things very strongly. Give yourself time to process your feelings and move on.
Throwing in the towel and dropping out of college may be the right thing for you, but first give college a try. Adjusting to college takes time. It won’t happen over a few days, weeks, or maybe even months.
Soon you may look around and realize that the sun is shining, things are getting better, and you are making it. You might even surprise yourself.
