Why Hesitating to Respond May Be the Best Thing for Your College Freshman
You want to be your freshman’s first line of defense. You want to be available to provide advice and encouragement. You want to be a listening ear. But is being constantly accessible to your freshman best for him?
Knowing when to step in and when to step back is incredibly difficult as a parent. Even when you’re doing your best to balance between the two, you can easily lean too much to one side.
Being too quick to answer your freshman’s calls or texts may hold your freshman back, even though ignoring him may seem cruel. Discover 3 skills your freshman develops when you don’t immediately answer every call or respond to every text.
Being less accessible encourages your freshman to work through his feelings.
If you strive to be a good parent, you likely strive to be a good listener and a quick problem-solver too. These skills certainly come in handy when your panicked freshman calls.
However, being quick to answer or respond may actually delay your freshman’s ability to work through his own feelings. As your freshman enters his adult years, he needs to start finding healthy ways to cope with feelings of anxiety, anger, etc.
Valerie Strauss from the Washington Post suggests that parents listen carefully to their college students. Sometimes, however, listening is not enough. Sometimes you may need to give your freshman some extra time and space to process his feelings. If he calls immediately after experiencing a frustrating situation, realize that your freshman likely is unaware that he needs to give himself time to process his feelings.
Although declining a call or ignoring a text for 30 minutes to a few hours may seem cruel, this time will provide your freshman with the time he needs to work through his feelings.
Being less accessible pushes your freshman to exercise his problem-solving skills.
Problem-solving is not a skill that comes easily. Developing wisdom and discernment takes time and experience. College is the time for your freshman to hone this skill.
Although you have the ability to provide very good advice, your freshman needs to learn this skill before he’s out on his own post-college. College provides a safer framework for him to try his hand at problem-solving.
If your freshman constantly turns to you for the solution, he may never even try to solve his own problems. Let him see that he can be his own hero. He is capable of fighting his own battle and finding the best solution for himself.
Being less accessible provides an opportunity for your freshman to make his own decision.
With full responsibility for making a decision comes full responsibility for the decision made. If your freshman has no ownership in the decision-making process, he is less likely to take ownership for the consequences of the decision.
When things go wrong or do not turn out as well as he hoped, he may blame you for the results. This immature response does not help him solve the problem, but it does allow him to get “off the hook” for the consequences.
As your freshman grows into adulthood, he needs to learn to make his own decisions and accept the outcome (however imperfect it may be). Give your freshman the opportunity to have ownership by giving him time to make his own decision. Delaying your response provides him the perfect opportunity to do this.
You’re not heartless for ignoring a text from your freshman. You’re being thoughtful to give your freshman time to process his feelings, discern the best solution, and make his own decision. Sometimes stepping away from your phone can be the best thing for your freshman.
