Sadly, your child can’t be anything he wants. This reality may sting to a parent. You want your child to have the opportunities you never had.

Choosing a college major can be an agonizing decision for a high school graduate. As your high school graduate heads to college, he may be anxiously wrestling with what he wants to be and where he wants his future career to go.

Even after years of anticipating college, your child may still have no clue what he wants to do. How can you help? Before having a serious heart-to-heart, consider these four principles to guide your conversation.

Avoid cliche advice.

You’ve likely heard these overused phrases time and time again. However, these cliche phrases—like “do what you love”—can actually cause your freshman to feel more confused than helped.

“Do what you love” is an odd notion to your child. “Love,” when it comes to a college major or a career, signals a commitment. Your graduate likely doesn’t feel ready for this level of commitment.

Consider how little life and work experience the typical high school graduate has. Saying he “loves” accounting or health science is a big leap, because he has little to now experience in those fields. 

Stereotypical questions like “What are you good at doing” or “What are you interested in?” are heard differently by your high school graduate. Instead of being illuminating questions, these questions can actually produce more questions.

Rather than repeating these frequently shared piece of advice, help guide your freshman with better questions (some of which I share in this post for high school graduates).  

Acknowledge this process is about more than money.

As a college instructor, it saddens me to see college students pick a major purely based on potential income. Why? These students are missing the main benefits of a college education: learning skills and developing as a person.

As a parent, you may feel frustrated by the above paragraph. Though academia is frequently associated with a disconnect from reality, your child benefits from college in much greater ways than earning a diploma.

College is about growing and developing people. It’s about expanding one’s context and exploring areas in which one can grow. It isn’t merely about getting a job. (Read this post to read more about the college experience.)

The most important criteria for choosing a good-fit major should not be potential income (though it may be a criterion), because your child’s major is about more than mere money.

Accept your freshman will likely change majors.

According to a study by the U.S. Department of Education, “Within 3 years of initial enrollment, about 30 percent of undergraduates . . . changed their major at least once.” The study also states that “about 1 in 10 students changed majors more than once.”

Your future college student will likely change majors. While this probability may cause you anxiety, it instead can help prepare you for the future.

Think to your first job as an adult (maybe even after college). You likely are not still working in that job. You’ve likely changed titles, companies, and maybe more. This fact doesn’t mean that you didn’t know what you were doing or didn’t have a sense of direction. 

Your child’s change of majors does not necessarily mean he’s lost, aimless, or doomed to be behind. Changing majors can be a result of maturing, growing, and developing as an individual. 

Even if your high school graduate declares a major before freshman year starts, he may change it (possibly even during the first semester). That’s ok. Changing majors is often a necessary choice for a maturing college student.

Refuse to pressure your child.

A well-meaning parent can very easily communicate that a child must choose a certain major. Whether intentionally or not, this parent can pressure a child into choosing one major.

The results of this pressure are usually not pretty. It can cause long-term resentment, tension within the parent-child dynamic, and a lack of purpose in the child well into adulthood.

While you want the best for your child, refuse to pressure your child into a major and instead help him take ownership of his college major choice. How can you help your child take ownership of a major?

• Provide insight.

• Help connect him with real life experience (e.g. shadowing a professional).

• Support his decisions while also being honest about the reality of the hard work his dreams will require.

Your soon-to-be college freshman doesn’t have it all figured out, even if he seems overly confident in his major choice. Your soon-to-be college freshman needs your guidance and help, especially if he lacks clear direction. And your help can steer your high school grad in the right direction for him!