You’re not sure who’s more excited about the upcoming Thanksgiving break—you or your freshman. This break likely will not be everything you dream it to be, but it can be a special time with your freshman.

Because your freshman is new to college, he may not be aware of the kind of preparations he should be making for Thanksgiving break. Help him prepare for this break by asking these 7 questions!

Question #1: How long is your break?

Being your freshman’s first holiday break, he may not think to double-check the length of his break. Maybe he wants to live in denial. Maybe he wants to focus on break and not the mountain of homework that must be completed before the end of the semester. Maybe he’s truly naive or inattentive to this important detail.

Before he leaves for this break, be sure to ask him when he can leave and when he must be back. Some colleges have loose guidelines, while others are much more strict. Be sure your freshman is aware of his school’s policy before leaving so that he is mentally prepared for the length of his break.

Question #2: How much luggage are you bringing home?

This likely is one of the first trips your freshman has made home since the beginning of the semester. He may need or want to bring home items that take up unnecessary space in his small dorm room. 

If he’s flying home, this is probably not the best time to bring these items back home. If he’s carpooling with friends in a typical 4-door vehicle, this is also probably not the best time to bring these items back either.

If your child tends to overpack, you may need to remind him that there will be better times in the future for him to return extra items to your home. Urge him to be considerate of those he’s traveling with (especially if he’s carpooling) and refrain from bringing extra luggage.

This break, unfortunately for you, is fairly short. Likely your child has some clothing at home as well, so there is no need to bring a large suitcase. Encourage him to think practically about the luggage he brings home.

Question #3: How are you planning on getting home?

Some students and some parents are much more on top of travel arrangements for Thanksgiving break than others. If your parenting style is more hands-off, remember that this break is likely the first time your freshman has had to handle these kinds of travel arrangements for himself.

The process of finding transportation and working out the details can be incredibly overwhelming. Try to guide his preparations with questions like these:

• Are you planning on coming home for the whole break?

• When can you leave campus?

• Do you know any students who live near us?

• Do you know if those nearby students have room to give you a ride?

• Do you know someone who could give you a ride to the airport?

• Do you need to let a dorm staff member know when you’re leaving for break?

While these questions seem incredibly basic to you, to your freshman these are thoughts that may not naturally cross his mind. He may make assumptions about friends giving him a ride. He may make assumptions that others will work around his schedule. Encourage him to act based on confirmed details rather than assumptions.

Question #4: How will you be paying to get home?

If your freshman is carpooling, he should offer to pay for some of the fuel. However, your freshman may not know this is the polite thing to do. In addition, he may not have the money to help and may feel too shy to ask you. You may have to ask if he has enough money (even if you would like him to pay for this expense).

If your freshman is driving himself home, he may not have enough money for fuel. If this is the case, encourage him to find others who would be willing to carpool and split the fuel costs. If this is not something he is willing to do, encourage him to find some weekend work or pick up an extra work shift to cover the costs. If you are willing to cover the cost of fuel, communicate that to him.

If your freshman is flying home, he may need to take an Uber or Lyft ride to the airport. The trip to the airport may be more expensive than he thought, so be sure he is prepared to pay for the ride to and from the airport.

Question #5: What are your plans for Thanksgiving break?

You may not know this yet, but your freshman probably has some specific plans for Thanksgiving break. These plans likely include some expected activities like sleeping and eating homemade food sleep, but your freshman’s plans may also include activities you wouldn’t expect.

During this first college Thanksgiving break, your freshman may spend more time with high school and college friends than you anticipated. Your child may also spend time messaging, facetiming, or talking on the phone with a romantic interest.

Rather than waiting until break is in full swing, consider asking him to share what his plans are for this break. At first your child may give the standard response of “sleep” but ask questions to help him share specific plans. Here are some ideas of questions you could ask:

• Are you planning on visiting any friends over break?

• Do you need to complete any homework over break?

• Are there any specific things you want to do over break?

After hearing his responses, share your own plans. Be careful not to overwhelm him with activity but be sure you do communicate your plans before he arrives home.

Question #6: What are your expectations for Thanksgiving break?

Connected with plans are expectations. You and your freshman both have expectations for this upcoming break. These expectations may not even be concrete in your freshman’s mind or your mind.

Take some time to consider what you expect from this break. Be sure these expectations are realistic. Fitting in all of the family traditions may not work for your tired freshman who needs to catch up on sleep. 

Ask your freshman to share some things he is looking forward to over break. Try to gauge from his answers what are his expectations. You may need to ask him specifically what are some things he is expecting over break.

Remember he is used to a more independent lifestyle, so rules may need some adjusting for your young adult. Be clear with your expectations, especially about curfew, family time, and family car usage. Setting up these expectations early can help prevent unpleasant friction later.

Question #7: What pressures are facing you after Thanksgiving break?

Leaving college for break means leaving behind the pressures of college life and academia for several days. Your freshman likely wants to escape from these pressures, because he knows life after break will be hectic.

Additionally, there may be other pressures weighing on your freshman. His roommate, his friends, his potential girlfriend, his poor grades, his confusion about his college major, etc. This break is a wonderful time to have some planned and unplanned heart-to-heart discussions.

Make sure to set aside time to have some good one-on-one chats with your freshman. These talks may just what he needs to make it to the semester break.

This break can be a wonderful time, but making it special might require more planning than when your freshman lived at home. Be sure your freshman is prepared for Thanksgiving break by asking these 7 questions!