4 Questions Every Parent Should Consider About the College Experience
Your freshman is experiencing college for the first time.
This experience is new, exciting, daunting, and probably overwhelming—for you and your freshman.
With more questions than answers, you dropped off your new college freshman hoping they would adapt well to college.
While you’ve heard of the “college experience,” you may now question what it truly means. How important is the college experience? And how can you guide your freshman through this experience?
Consider these 4 important questions about the college experience!
What is the college experience?
Undoubtedly, you’ve heard this term thrown around many times on pamphlets, in meetings, and on blog posts. The “college experience” sounds lofty and worthwhile, but what does it truly mean anymore? Is the college experience still what you or others experienced?
When most colleges and universities use this term, they are likely referring to a changed way of thinking. Depending on where your freshman attends college, this idea can vary. A liberal arts school will focus on training the whole person—i.e. developing your child in all areas of life.
For some students, the “college experience” means experimenting with their identity, their beliefs, or their lifestyle choices. Simply, this term usually means taking advantage of the opportunities that college provides.
This new stage of life requires more responsibility, not merely more consequences. For the first time maybe ever in your child’s life, their freely makes choices in their day-to-day life. Little restraints and accountability can lead to some unwise choices but can also lead to some character building.
The college experience is not merely going to classes and living on their own. For your freshman, it’s learning to live independently. It’s learning to think for themself. It’s learning to stand up for what they believes. It’s forming their own independent identity.
Is college trying to brainwash my child?
Sometimes college students can come home with odd views. However, most colleges do not make brainwashing your child their sole goal.
Rather, colleges seek to challenge your freshman’s thinking and develop the ability to think for themself.
While having your child copy and mimic your viewpoint on every moral or political topic may be flattering, your freshman needs to think for themself.
You want them to be able to support their beliefs as an adult with adult logic.
What hurts the your freshman’s college experience?
You want your child to take advantage of good opportunities to grow, to develop skills, and to become a successful adult. So how can you help? Encourage your freshman to avoid these easy pitfalls.
Having mom or dad pay for every college expense definitely makes life easier. However, this style of living can actually lead to lower grades.
Tamar Lewin of the New York Times states, “A new national study has found that the more college money parents provide . . . the lower their children’s college grades.”
Giving your child more does not necessarily lead to academic success, and in many cases giving unlimited access may lead to poor spending habits.
Intervening when you hear about frustrations your freshman faces may be your modus operandi, but this habit can actually stunt their growth.
Often stepping in communicates something negative to your freshman. They may think they’re incapable of advocating for themself. They may think you don’t trust her to take care of herself.
Stepping in may seem compassionate and caring but your freshman misses out on a valuable part of the college experience.
Going home on most weekends helps you stay in contact with your freshman, but it may also cause your freshman to struggle more with loneliness and homesickness.
When your child drives back and forth, they misses out on important experiences that help them bond with other students and adapt to living at college.
Looking to the future is important.
College isn’t merely about making friends and having new experiences. (Although hopefully your child will come out of college with valuable skills and experience that will lead to a fulfilling and successful career.)
Discussing the future may be overwhelming to your freshman who is merely trying to figure out how to do laundry on her own. These discussions need to take place but may be better received and more helpful at another time.
What helps your freshman engage in the college experience?
The college experience can be incredibly rewarding and transforming for your freshman. Encourage your child to embrace new opportunities to interact with different people and experiences in these areas.
Encourage your freshman to expand their friend group.
Culture constantly preaches the merits of diversity. But “our differences make us stronger” and other similar messages seem to get lost in translation when it comes to forming friendships.
Your freshman will naturally draw toward others who look, act, and think like her. They may need a nudge in the right direction to challenge her in this area.
Encourage your freshman to build meaningful relationships with peers and professors.
During this time of transition and sometimes loneliness, your child will be tempted to cling to anyone with whom they find commonality.
As time goes on, these relationships may fade away. As a result, your freshman may realize the value of loyal and challenging relationships.
Urge them to be picky about their friends now. Connecting with peers who challenge their thinking and professors who help them grow can truly benefit them during and after college.
Encourage her to explore interests and hobbies.
Your child’s major classes may put them at full capacity. As she learns to manage their time better, encourage them to explore areas of interest and aptitude.
These skills can be incredibly useful to them in the future and are worth developing.
Encourage your child’s learning, not merely earning good grades.
Class grades or a GPA can easily become the sole focus of your phone calls with your freshman. However, earning good grades doesn’t mean your child is truly learning.
Praise the process, not merely the product, because the process of learning is the most valuable part of their education.
This new and exciting experience called college is an adjustment for you and your freshman.
Urge them to take full advantage of the opportunities for personal growth. This unique time of life provides wonderful opportunities for your freshman to embrace the college experience.
